I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
