You smell like stripper and shame
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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