I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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