we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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