I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
