***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
