I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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