Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
