Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
