my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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