I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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