I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
