so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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