took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
