So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
