standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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