we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
