I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
