I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
