Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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