so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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