shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
