The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
