I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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