sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
