i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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