I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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