We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am one with the molecules
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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