bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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