I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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