Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i believe in u and ur pee
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
