Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
