M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
that may or may not have been my penis.
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