I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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