I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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