Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
