I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
