Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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