if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this boner is exhausting
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
