Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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