i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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