Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
