No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
