Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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