Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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