I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
