Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
