trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
