i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
