at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
