Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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