At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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