So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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